sitting watching a candle glow, everyone around me thinking and praying about this christmas season. a place of peace. but then i think why am i distracted... theres so much going on everywhere in my life im constantly distracted from everything. but in my distraction im desperate, desperate for that place of peace i cant find.
im not going to go into all that going on at the moment caulse if you know me you should know. but none of its in my control, its in the control of my creator so why is it making me so miserable?
you hear stuff on tv about peoples lives that get totaly ripped apart and changed, and wonder what it feels like, but when you feel it for realy you wished you never wondered.
no matter how many times you put on the smiley "nothings wrong" face and go out pretending, it wont go away. i wish i could open up 2 people face to face, but instead i pour it all out on the computer, for worry of what certain close people in my world would think of me, do to me, or treat me different because of what i say. theres still a risk of them seeing it on here, but if they read what i've written they will be upset, and i think i've already upset them enough in this life already.
trying to keep a straight face as i write this, but then the emotions build up and take over, i feel my eyes filling up and think no i cant cry ive got to be strong. if i cry i'll upset the people around me.
i still find it weird how i can sit here and pour my emotions out into a computer when i wouldnt have the faintest idea on how to speak what ive written!
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2 comments:
Hi Rosie
I'd like to 'meme' you - it's a form of blog tag: you write 5 odd things that people don't know about you, then meme 5 other people to do the same thing. If you're confused visit http://timescolumns.typepad.com/gledhill/2006/12/five_things
the drawback is that your blog will then be linked from mine - there's not a lot of traffic, but you may not want a signpost pointing to you from my blog! Let me know - I've posted 4 of my 5 people and you're mystery blog no. 5
God bless, David. And thanks for being so honest, there's a lot of us wear smiley faces to hide what's going on underneath.
yea i know how u feel, thats why i keep a diary to write down all my thoughts n feelings so i dont go crazy frm bottleing it all up. but i guess this is kind of like an online diary that everyone can read. not sure whether thats good or bad lol but it is good to get all your emotions out because it does make u feel better, trust me i know!
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